Tuesday, August 10, 2010

An Emotional Week and a Poem

I dedicate this post to those two young women mentioned in the following paragraphs who live it to that standard. Both are going to be teachers. One takes care of Autistic children and wants to a a Special Education teacher. They have been wonderful to Curt and to me. Fly way, T and B. But, don't ever forget how much you have meant to Curt...and to me.

We have had our first problem at preschool. I have shed many tears over this, but feel hopeful it will be resolved. One teacher, when she puts Curt in time-out, loses her cool, screams and holds his hands...until they turned blue. I have formally complained. First time ever.

And his favorite teacher (and person), Miss Tippee's last day was yesterday. His second favorite is leaving to student teach in two weeks. They are sisters and I have become very attached to them. Everything is changing and as I get, ahem, older, change gets harder and harder. It is going to be an emotional week. Found this poem today...it seems poignant. Kindergarten starts Thursday. If you pray, pray for me.

I know Curt can now talk, but....I think you know what I mean....


I Am The Child
(author unknown to me)
I am the child who cannot talk. You often pity me, I see it in your eyes. You wonder how much I am aware of. I see that as well. I am aware of much...whether you are happy or sad or fearful, patient or impatient, full of love and desire , or if you are just doing your duty by me. I marvel at your frustration, knowing mine to be far greater, for I cannot express myself or my needs as you do.

You cannot conceive my isolation, so complete it is at times. I do not gift you with clever conversation, cute remarks to be laughed over and repeated. I do not give you answers to your everyday questions, responses over my well being, sharing my needs, or comments about the world about me. I do not give you rewards as defined by the world's standards...great strides in development that you can credit yourself; I do not give you understanding as you know it.

What I give you is so much more valuable...I give you instead opportunities. Opportunities to discover the depth of your character, not mine; the depth of your love, your commitment, your patience, your abilities; the opportunity to explore your spirit more deeply than you imagined possible. I drive you further than you would ever go on your own, working harder, seeking answers to your many questions with no answers. I am the child who cannot talk.

8 comments:

Pia said...

Firstly...

I feel ya on losing the good teachers. When we said goodbye to our beloved Kristin... well, I can say that I still am not the same. And that was over 6 months ago. Still, I have hope... however small.. for the new fall teacher.

Second...

The poem... big big tears. Love it enough that it will be linked.


Third....

Thanks for the cyber-hug. If only we lived in the same state... there would be martinis in our future... lots and lots of martinis

Jeanna said...

Thanks, Pia. I know you have been through a VERY rough spell -- just caught up on your blog today and your visit with the Camaratas. That being said, our little ones are very resilant. They will learn and they will become functional members of society. i am sure of that. The timeframe they get there? We just have to wait and see. Patience has very been my virtue. ha. Yes, many martinis...

Jeanna said...

Oh, one more thing...

You said your little J-man doesn't have much language yet. So, I am guessing he hasn't said "I love you, Mommy." That was one of my weird fears...my child will never tell me he loves me!

If that is the case, do not worry. It will happen. And, it will be one of the greatest days in your life.

Jeanna said...

Ok, I lied, Pia.

And, that poem is directed at ME as much as the caregivers I pay to take care of him.

We are their ultimate. We will do more for them than ANYONE else.

I am by far NOT the perfect mother. I have little patience and I am not one to get down in the floor and play. However, I am his greatest advocate and will continue to be.

And, i read to him every night. Every night. It is one thing of which I take great pride.

偉曹琬 said...
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Pia said...

Hehehe one of these days we might just have to pick up a phone. Or at least chat on Facebook...

We will hang in there. The whole "I am failing him" piece is pretty strong right now, but we ARE mking progress, just ever so slow. I am spending a lot of time trying to re-evaluate our approach, and have a couple things in place to try. But our road looks a bit longer and more hilly.

On the upside.... its something to blog about...?

Jennifer Knight said...

Love it, Jeanna. I'm going to link it on my blog too. Sammy is starting public school in a week and a half after homeschooling for K and 1. We are just now getting calls returned about getting the IEP in place. I want to give this to his teacher... and like you I've found that I need the reminder too. I think I will have to blog about it instead of doing my blog as a comment on yours, haha...

Holly said...

Been following your blog for some time now and have to thank you for posting the poem. For we impatient types, it's hard to remember who has the harder road. My Griffin is about a year younger than Curt and your postings have been more helpful than you could imagine. I don't pray much, but I'll put in a shout out for ya...