Sunday, September 20, 2009

Message to Jodi

Yes, it's hard being in social situations, especially around those who do not know us. Those who know us know Curt and generally love him. His soccer coach seems to love him as well. Soccer has been a challenge. Yes, I know swimming or archery might be better for him, but we're in a very small town and we don't have very many options!

I don't even want to tell Ange this b/c she will get so mad... Last week at practice, this little boy came up to me and said, "Curt is playing soccer?" (He was probably 6?) and I said yes. He said, "He will have to practice ALOT to play soccer!" and I agreed, yes, he will. He then told this little girl, probably 7 or 8, "Curt is playing soccer!" like it was the most weird thing in the world. She said something that I could not hear (probably a good thing) and her mother said, "Don't be ugly."

I just want to hurt people sometimes. Actually cause them physical pain. Would that make a difference? No. But, it might make me feel better in the short haul.

I would like to talk more to you about parents' rights and what I can ask for in school. Very small school. Don't know what to expect, except the SLP who works with Curt there has a Down's child and she insisted on inclusion, so that is a great sign. I don't think they will even try to not to put him in regular classroom.


I have to be honest. Sometimes I feel like, "I did not sign up for this." Then, I look in Curt's beautiful eyes and think, I wouldn't have it any other way. This is my Curt and I love him, and he is perfect to me.


Suzanne said...

Great post.

Ange said...

Second time I read.
The first time, had to go take a breath.

Feeling better now?

'I did not sign up for this,' has turned its attention toward the ignorance we encounter in others.

Jeanna said...


After years of infertility, miscarriage, etc., I then had a perfect pregnancy and thought, "Happy Days are here, finally!" I had my perfect baby.

The late-talking worry, the intense worry has made me sick. Yes, part of it, too, is the sometimes bad experiences with others. I guess Jodi said it best to me when she said, "It is kind of like a form of torture watching your child around his peers."

This morning, after I tied his shoes, he looked up at me and said, "Great job, Mama, great job."

I don't mean to come across that I am not thankful for Curt. I am. Sometimes I also feel sorry for myself. That is not pretty, but it is honest.

Ange said...

No, no. I know exactly how you feel. And I'm still working through the residual impact. Still have family who treats Jack like a baby, which is difficult. So now when I think, 'I didn't sign up for this,' it has more to do with outside influences. I wish more people would enlighten themselves out of love for my son, but it's not their journey.
We will get through.

I love you. You're a great mom. Curt's a wondeful boy. It'll be all right, pal.

Missy said...

Jeanna - I am just now getting caught up on your blog. I always forget to check in on my friends' blogs, so I finally set everyone up on Google Reader. :)

So I wanted to comment on this. :) You didn't sign up for this. You were chosen.

I'll leave it at that. ;)

Love ya!

Jeanna said...

Wow. You and Ange have been so great! I feel like a know you so well, yet we've never met.

"You were chosen." Wow. Thanks.