Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Bad Day

I am having one of the worst days I've had in a long time. First soccer practice was yesterday. I think (I know) he is making so much progress and then I see him around the other kids. He doesn't have really any interest to interact with him. He did love kicking the ball and into the goal, though. He is excited about the next practice.

It really wasn't that bad, but it just triggered the blues. I go along day-by-day and I am OK, but then, BOOM. Like someone slapped me. The crying jags, the pain in my heart.

I've lost 15 pounds in the last year without trying. I'm either quietly dying with zero pain or it's stress. I haven't felt any genuine happiness since he was two years old because I am always worried about him, about his future.

I am at work. Everyone is at lunch but me. I took a nerve pill, but it won't stop the tears.

4 comments:

Jennifer Knight said...

Hugs, Jeana! When Sam was that age I remember having a similar day. You wonder if your sweet child will ever interact with the other kids, have all these great experiences that all mothers envision for their children. Sam is now 6 years 3 months and it is still there a little, but he is making such phenomenal progress that I know within a year or two I won't have those days anymore. I know you *know* all this but sometimes our hearts don't listen to our heads.

On a side note, I gained 10 pounds this year... stress... I guess we all have our different reactions. :(

Jeanna said...

Jennifer, I went to your blog. Do you have your "story" out there about Sam? Is he MERLD? or another dx? I'm just always curious about other moms and their stories....

Jennifer Knight said...

Sorry, I just saw this comment - busy week. He is MERLD. I will have to write on my blog about our great day the other day. Since I became addicted to Facebook I don't blog as much anymore. ;)

Jeanna said...

Yes, the addiction that is Facebook. It has me in its throes as well! Yes, please post your story when you can.