Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Prozac, anyone?

I posted an entry last night, but changed my mind. It’s gone now.

I am having a sad day. I wish it were only this day. It’s not.

Work is mind-blowingly busy and so much harder than it has to be. That’s all I’m going to say about that.

We were to close on another rental property yesterday, but Cowboy found lots of water under the house. We backed out. In true Cowboy form, he is not worried that we won’t be refunded our $500 earnest money. He is worried they will sue us. (Isn’t that why you have a final walk-through before closing? Has anyone else experienced this?)

Said conversation between us gets heated and we have another drama-filled night. I hate drama-filled nights. I have drama-filled days. I want peaceful, contented nights.

We have those nights much too often. When he is upset, he usually ends up speaking of divorce or just leaving to go back to Alabama. He’s packed bags on several occasions.

I’m sorry your business is stressful to you, Cowboy. My job is stressful, too. Then I come home and have jobs #2 (Curt) and #3 (house) to do. It would be helpful if you would pick up your damned pants and put your coffee cup in the sink.

Curt is making great progress. That being said, the worry is always, constantly in the back of my mind. Always.

I’m physically and mentally exhausted. I want to take Curt and run away. But, to where?

The sun is finally shining again. It can’t hurt.


Ange (formerly Writer Mom) said...

You can always come here.

Or give him some time.
If you love him and he's good to all of you...if this just doesn't seem to be the real him, I say give him some slack, even as tired as you are.

I often think of one of Tom's and my few but very heated arguments, when he said things out of frustration and I thought at that moment, 'This is it. We won't recover from this.'
But I took a breath.
And he apologized with tears in his eyes.
He was at the end of his rope.
The next day, Jack was diagnosed at Vanderbilt, and I had my husband back.
We've never gone back to that place of doubting one another or taking one another for granted.

Not everyone can handle all of it at the same time, however, and because of that, I wish we could take you guys out for a beer, share our stories, put your minds at ease.
We struggled on the house issue, as well, and almost made a huge mistake buying a place we couldn't afford a month later.
He thanked me a year later. "Glad you played the bad guy and put the brakes on that."
We found our place, which came with the perfect school, and we've been happy for almost a year.

I wish I could promise as easily as I did about Curt's success that all things will work out with your husband, but that's a lot to do with who he is and how willing and devoted he is to coming back to you as your partner and soulmate.

Like I said, you can always come here. At least I can vouche for the school system.

A hug.

I hope that helps.

Coyote Bebop said...

I'm going to say that Ange is perfectly right.

"give him some time.
If you love him and he's good to all of you...if this just doesn't seem to be the real him, I say give him some slack, even as tired as you are." SAGE advice.

...but I must add;

If he isn't that mature, if he just tosses the "I'm leaving" out there to gain control over you and the arguement, throw his bags into the yard and tell him that ONE child is enough right now.

I don't speak out of mean-ness, but out of experience...experience at being an asshole. I ALWAYS used the "I'm leaving" control words. One day, someone pointed out that if I didn't stop, my wife might not stop me from leaving one day.

The thought of being without her made me actually sick to my stomach. If the thought of a life without you is not the most horrible thing in the world,... well I don't know.

Like Ange said, give him some time, but remember that "time & chances" are not infinite.